Neat

He has large hands that swamp mine when we hold hands even though I am no small-boned hen. This has the added benefit that, during his welcome administrations, my bottom seems exquisitely neat within his cupped embrace. Happy New Year to you all xx

a final HNT

"Half-Nekkid Thursday. It all started on May 19, 2005, among a small handful of friends. It exploded to become an internet phenomenon! There's no way to accurately predict how many individuals participated in HNT. Some people only joined in once or twice. Many have done literally hundreds. But based on estimates from a couple of years ago, it would not be outside the realm of possibility that 2500 or more people have joined the fun! Add to that the number of lurkers that enjoyed checking out HNTs without posting their own, or even commenting, and you might be able to double that number" ... read more here

or go here for mine ..

A compliment

I've been sick for days and had a minor op so sex hasn't been as appealing as usual but I had no intention of allowing Christmas day to pass without some mutual satisfaction. Happily one of my presents was suitably stimulating .. A gift box from my favourite emporium of tricks, Coco de mer. I'll post pics later (why can't I upload pics to blogger from my iPhone?) Anyway, my gift included a book, which entertained us for while before we took to our bed and forgot to turn the pages. "you don't need a book" he says later, breathlessly, "you could write one instead". And I thought with amusement of my beloved blog and how much I used to enjoy the salacious detailing.

Full stockings

I can't remember a Christmas eve when I have felt so utterly content, and shall never again underestimate the importance of such a state of mind. Merry christmas to my wonderful readers, few tho you maybe I treasure every one of you Xx

The title of the post refers, of course, to my children's festive treats, and to my boyfriend's bedtime surprise too.

Tap tap

Still sick and not really with it. Merry Christmas everyone, will post some festive food when I get a chance x

My Waldorf

I had forgotten how good this salad can be. 

• a handful of chopped, slightly toasted walnuts (or pecans)
• 2 sticks of celery, thinly sliced
• 1 cup green seedless grapes, sliced 
• 2 sweet red-skinned apple, cored and chopped

Whisk together the following:

• 2 tablespoon mayonnaise
• 1 tablespoon greek yoghurt
• 1 tablespoon dijon mustard
• half a freshly squeezed lemon to taste
• Salt
• Pepper

Combine all the ingredients with a generous portion of watercress.


Today I am in a dreamy, subby contentment that can really only be achieved by a firm hand against my cheek plus his assured determination to make me gasp out loud repeatedly. He understands that my act of capitulation is restoration. I ache everywhere.  

loss

We spend too much time apart, him and I. I sleep with a hot water bottle behind my knees and imagine it his body that keeps me warm. He sleeps with my nightie tucked under his pillow so he has my scent as he drifts off. Would it change and be less significant if we lived together?

possibly pregnant

.. at 43. Ironically I had ignored my body's patient but plaintive messages for several weeks until i started to bleed. So it is just a fleeting possibility; nothing more but never less.

I am detached. I feel better and healthier now as if a physical weight far, far greater than the fraction of an ounce of soul has been lost. As much as i would love to carry another child I know it would be exhausting. The advantage of being 43, i have discovered, is that it doesn't matter that i was pregnant, nor that i am no longer pregnant. Either way is bearable, neither way is terrible, i am at peace with whatever my body needs.

Some of you may know my history when it comes to failed pregnancies. I don't suppose anyone is more surprised than I that I can accept with just a little sadness to have lost again.