blearily

My life is almost a shambles, but i am enjoying it. Mostly. Final stages of divorce, setting up a business, fitting in a boyfriend. He calls me his tiredy girl and we laugh each other to bed.

This is how i prefer my roast lamb; studded with anchovy, rosemary and garlic cloves, rubbed with anchovy oil and put on a rack in a hot oven.

Dyrham House, near Bath. One of my favourite outings on a sunday.

cutting the fat

I don't imagine anyone here reading isn't in some way concerned about reducing costs, especially in the shopping basket. There are many canny ways to cook, essential for when planning to feed small children who like their meat. Bacon is my boys' favourite meat, and gammon is high on the list of best suppers, but buying slices of out-door reared gammon for 2 (or frequently 4) boys is just too pricey; I won't, ever, buy danish bacon so a cheaper brand is not an option. A big fat kilo+ (1.3g will cost about £10) of boiling bacon is, however, just as delicious and feeds even more tummies.

Place a piece of boiling bacon (trim the majority of fat off the top, leaving a layer to crisp later) in a big pan of water. Bring to the boil, drain, rinse the bacon and pan (removing the excess salt), refill the pan with water (and the piece of meat), a bouquet garni (whatever you have to hand) and an onion studded with 5 cloves; bring back to a steady simmer. Cook for 45 minutes. Add 12 scrubbed carrots and continue to cook for 15 minutes. Remove the bacon and replace with a spring cabbage, cut into wedges, and cook for another 10 minutes or so until tender.

Put the bacon into a foiled-lined oven tin. Drizzle with a little maple syrup and scatter generously with brown sugar. Bake in a hot oven for 20 mins or so until the sugar is caramelised and sticky.

Serve the bacon in thick slices with buttered potatoes and a mustard sauce. And don't forget to use the stock for a lentil or pea soup tomorrow.

One of my jobs is to take photos of pretty things. I liked my job today.

chicken & jam

I was careful not to mention the jam to the children before they were half way through a pile of deeply savoury roast chicken, but they still didn't believe me that the recipe called for their favourite breakfast relish. 

trespass

I dress for bedtime; a simple cotton shift (my favourite has pinstripes to match a particularly fancy pair of stockings) that barely covers my bottom as i curl up within his close reach.

I wear it so i can enjoy the thrill of his hand scooping below the hem, fingers slipping between the fabric and my thigh to follow the slope of my hip with heat and weight, his arm rucking the nightdress up my body to expose my skin to his. I feel the ripples of cloth giving way to his encroachment, an unveiling of curves and textures as he searches with intent.

slapped

"I was hoping"  he says afterwards, his hand still cupping my cheek, "that you would resist a little longer."

french kiss

An antidote to chocolate brownies. Gateau Breton; a traditional cake from Brittany. I haven't yet made it in the original form - with buckwheat or sarrasin, a nutty low-gluten grain - but i shall. With such few ingredients it is best to use the best .. the flavour of good butter with shine. 

Vanilla and sweet butter, with a dense bite (imagine a soft shortbread) and a sophisticated melt in the mouth texture. I can't eat this version (made with the softest 00 wheat flour) but i kiss him deeply straight after he has eaten the second piece and it is as if his tongue is butterscotch filling my mouth. 

I like Nigella Lawson's version (of course) but there are many more versions on the 'net. 

25cm spring form cake tin, well greased.

225g plain flour - ideally 00 grade pasta flour - sieved
250g caster sugar - preferably from your store of vanilla sugar.
250g unsalted butter
6 large egg yolks
A glaze of a teaspoon of egg yolk from the 6, and a tablespoon of water (or milk)

Preheat oven to 190C.

If you have a mixer; add the sieved flour, sugar, butter and eggs and mix with a dough hook until combined into a bright yellow dough. 

If you have no mixer; Make a mound of the sieved flour on a worktop, make a well in it and add the sugar, butter and eggs. Knead to mix.

Scoop the dough into the tin and smooth the top with a floured hand. Expect the dough to be very sticky. Brush the gateau with the glaze and mark a lattice design on top.

Bake for 15 mins, then turn the oven down to 180C (350f) and give it another 25 minutes or so until it's golden on top and firm to the touch. Let cool completely before turning out and slicing randomly into diamond shaped tokens.

slap

We've talked it over in the past, casually, but i am taken aback by the speed of his response when i refuse to open my mouth the first time. The swing of his hand is perfectly judged; a moment for me to register the movement but not enough that there is complicity in our game. I react (or not), he reacts. Perfect.