moroccan

A marinade for Lamb.

1 teaspoon fennel seeds
fresh grated ginger, about 2 thumb-sized pieces
small bunch of rosemary leaves, chopped
a big pinch dried chilli flakes
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 tablespoon ground coriander
salt and pepper
2 tablespoons of olive oil

Rub the marinade into 4 lamb neck fillet. Leave for 30 minutes.

Brown the meat briskly in a wide pan and remove to one side. Soften in the pan: 2 onions, a sweet potato or three, half a butternut squash, all peeled and sliced, until the onion is softened. Lay the meat on top.

Add 3 wine glasses of water, a cinnamon stick, 2 bay leaves and a handful of apricots. Braise in a hot oven (about 190ºC) for an hour or so.

mind the gap

I am saying goodbye to someone at the moment. I am feeling very insular, and quite wordless.

Hot sake prawns. As made by Nigella. I added a few buckwheat noodles to my dish. As nigella says; 'speedy salvation'.

star gazing

His fish pie. He lines the dish with horseradish flavoured mashed potato, adds a layer of fish and leeks, then pipes more potato on the top, which cooks to burnished stars in a hot oven. We could have feed an army. I liked the colour of the fish with the bright green leek, but would have liked to add some dill too.

He leaves me in bed every morning to go to the office, leaves me to play at housies in his home. Make our bed, finish the washing up, make him a meal when he gets back. We are testing everything, little by little.

morsel

There is a muscle in his shoulder that flexes outwards, a fascinating piece of tightening man flesh that swells under the pressure of his lunge, a solid rendering of strength that echoes that of his hips in motion and captures my line of sight yet is frustratingly out of reach of my seeking mouth as he ruts above me.

glory

Our morning routine has altered as the house gets colder. Instead of staying in their beds in the morning the children quickly migrate to mine once they can hear me moving about. Burrowing into mummy's still-warm nest they peek out like birds under cotton white wings to watch my daily routine in the low, warm light of my boudoir as i ready myself for the office, layer by layer.

The drawer of knickers rifled, a bra chosen. Perfume. Oil, perhaps or a cream. Long socks or thigh high stockings under a covering skirt. Probably something skinny and woollen on top. A scarf, or a necklace. I slowly cover myself up in preparation for the day as together we sing along to the radio or talk nonsense.

I sometimes wonder whether i am sowing the seeds of future fetishes in little minds.

slice by slice

Another loaf cake. My kitchen doesn't feel right without a frilled and fragrant gentle brick of cake on the window sill. This is a prime candidate for frequent revisiting. My first attempt was with standard flour, but I will try it with gluten-free flour without hesitation.

Nigella Lawson's Chocolate Orange Loaf Cake

• 150g soft unsalted butter
• 30ml golden syrup
• 175g dark muscovado sugar

I have a handy scale which measures ml so i can pour sticky syrup directly into the beating bowl, otherwise use 2x 15ml spoonfuls. Beat the soft butter with the syrup and sugar - a good 5 minutes, until you have a consistent and appealing coffee-coloured batter. 

try resisting dipping a finger ...

• 150g plain flour
• 1/2 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
• 25g cocoa powder, sifted
• 2 eggs

Mix dry ingredients together and beat 1 tablespoon into the butter cream, then beat in one egg. Add 2 more tablespoons of the flour mix and beat again before adding the second egg.

• zest of 2 medium oranges, juice of 1 orange

Keeping the paddle moving, add the zest of the oranges and then the juice, slowly.

Pour and scrape the batter into the tin and bake for 45 minutes. It may need 5 minutes less or more .. do check. A cake tester should not be totally clean. Leave in the tin to cool slightly.

The flavour is, as Nigella says, more of warm spice than citrus.

utterly moist

It is the season for over-the-knee stockings, for soft lacy long socks and woolen striped legs. 

Did you know that women with warm feet come more easily? 

And how come a naked woman in socks looks adorable (I like to think), whereas a nude man with his socks on just looks tawdry? 

sticky date ..

.. cake (yes, the sticky *date* still happens here too).

Adapted from Tamasin Day Lewis' Kitchen Classics; my gluten free cake version of a sticky toffee pudding (nut free too!)

• 55g unsalted butter
• 200g light soft sugar

Melt the butter in a heavy bottomed pan. As it is almost completely melted, add the sugar and hover over a low heat, stirring briskly, until the sugar dissolves into the butter. Leave off the heat for a minute or two.

• 1 teaspoon vanilla essence
• 1 egg, beaten

Add the essence and the egg, stir. The mixture will immediately loosen in the pan.
Stir in a sifted mix of:

• 100g gluten free flour
• 1 level teaspoon baking powder
• a pinch of sea salt

and finally add:

• 120g pitted dates, scissored into half

Line a small loaf pan (i use a 900g tin, but a smaller pan will give you a thicker brownie) and carefully dollop in the mixture. Bake for 25 minutes, but check at 20 mins .. a skewer will be barely clean but the top should look crisp. Leave for at least 10 minutes to cool before removing from the tin and slicing, greedily.

my trepidation

He calls me 'silly girl' and i lose every shred of sorely-won feminism and squirm in his lap with corruptible delight.

His hands are wide and powerful but they have only ever been tenderly cautious with my body. The first time he made me orgasm with his moving fingers he held me tight afterwards and wondered aloud as to whether he had broken me. He is now getting used to my sounds but he is still worried about hurting me.

I want to ask him to. I want to ask him to raise his hand to me so very much.

flamin'

Possibly the easiest supper you'll never have to actually *cook*. Put it in an oven and enjoy the emerging aromas. Toss occasionally. Taste a roast potato to check they are going crispy. Serve to (almost) delirious appreciation. Paprika and orange, succulence and crunch.

Nigella's Spanish Chicken

A large baking tray
2 tablespoons of olive oil
Chicken - a breast and drumstick per child worked
A ring of chorizo - oh, my big failure of the evening. Not enough SAUSAGE. A mere 250g and could have been twice as large for the children that i was feeding.
A packet of baby new potatoes, chopped into regular sizes.
The zest of an orange.
A good pinch of dried oregano

Pile all into the tray and bake at 220ºC for an hour or so.

the opposite of insomnia

I have a wheaty bag, a polka-dotted, cotton-covered bag of grain that, within two minutes, comes out of the microwave sodden with moist heat, with a smell reminiscent of summer meadows and popcorn, perfect for soothing a trapped nerve or period pain. My youngest child likes to sleep with it at his back, especially if i am away from home.

Last night, as i curled up in my bed, the warm wheat bag lay across my hip in an imitation of his arm, heavy in slumber, resting on my body through our endorphin-addled dreams.

learning

He uses the side of his hand to trace slowly along my cheekbone, over and over, his smallest finger stroking the curve of my lower lip at every pass. It is one of the most erotic gestures i have known.

being grown up

Yesterday I had a double date. A blind double date for me, as i didn't know the other couple. His best friends. I'm not sure which one of us was the more nervous.

The last time I had a double date i was 18 years old and we ended the evening in a sticky puppy pile on her parents' living room floor rug. We didn't progress that far last night, although we did finish the foursome evening with dirty bananas and childish hilarity.

Several bananas, a couple of scoops of vanilla ice cream (not soft scoop), Kahula and Baileys to taste, liquidised. Add ice and pulse until the shards speckle the mocha smoothie. Tuck wide straws into the middle of the drink and carefully fill them with Mount Gay rum. Suck carefully, replenish if you dare.

The Bouillabaisse was delightful. 

HNT/exposed

Keeping warm and cosy while i'm sat in my drafty attic, tapping away.

We are eating bouillabaisse tomorrow, and going here. "Iconic and taboo subjects" sounds like my sort of exhibition, and I'm delighted not to have missed an opportunity to gently probe his boundaries. 

Have a great weekend x