Then

I'm hesitant, but can't imagine why. He takes my hand, a stroke of his thumb across my palm, turns and leads the way towards the stairs in the dark.

zurich

• going to bed at 1.30 am, getting up for flight at 3.30 am .. so far, am still able to focus.
• loves: 3 hours of glaswegian riff and a rain poucho for 3 CHF
• loves: sarf london ska, with coffee & gluten-free cake for 3 CHF
• winterthurer musicfest in the rain. No mud

• Vanilla and zimt found, and chocolat caramel & fleur de sel purchased in obscene quantities
• Street food and fresh peaches shared, river walks and mountain views
• Loves; a huge bed and an even wider sky, a paddling fountain in a cityscape

• Loves the heat, glorious heat and eating movenpick in a city street, just watching
• Loves: Swiss double deck trams and the customs officer laughing at her facebook page while checking passports
• So achingly familiar; snowy crags and hot bright sun

• Damp and sticky, waiting with noisette coffee and my novel
• Do i really look so pale and tired, or can i blame the lighting in here?
• At a london corner shop, buying painkillers. I hope you feel better, says the cashier.
• hounslow, and the unexpected views of boat masts at rest
• is trying to convince her body that i'm not anxious about flying

say it

away

3 nights
2 flights
one secret

We're going to Zurich, he tells me, but he won't tell me why; it's to be a surprise.

shadow

My child has a life threatening condition that invariable rises its ugly, red-eyed head when i am particularly tired or stressed for that is when i lose the edge on diligence. A forbidden food creeps unnoticed into his repertoire because i haven't read every label, or i make an assumption that a new item will be safe. We don't have a comprehensive list of what might kill him, but it grows steadily, scarily.

Yesterday it happened a couple of hours after we returned from holiday, our bags still piled in the hallway, beds half made. I'm grateful that we live only 10 minutes from the hospital and that ambulances come when called.

24 hours later i am still staggering from the effects, dizzy with shock and the weight of worry. He is fine, his only focus being beating his brother up, but i can't shake of the sick feeling of gloom.

curious

When i am sliding towards the end, when i caught in the magnetic pull of pleasure and i find someone else's name in my throat, not my lover but another, someone with whom i am no longer intimate, i wonder, briefly, whether that man would care that i don't shift my thought but sink into the memory of his texture for that sordid, splendid moment.

HNT/hut

what is it like to be kissed? i may have forgotten how ..

I think my breasts have grown since last year

camp woe

We talk about my tent.

He says he wishes he could keep me awake all night in my silken cocoon.

I am grateful he doesn't come, with his fingers that turn me inside out every time, for i am exhausted enough with the night noises and the constant childcare.

I miss his body heat.

half of a holiday

• Settled children to sleep in an orange tinted orchard under a sliver of a moon afloat in the palest of skies
• Tinned pears and hot custard, off shore breeze and the sun shines valiantly on the final swimmers
• Naked in my hut, shielded from beach hordes by a thin sun worn curtain. The closest i've gotten to kink this week
• It is almost too bright to read the writ of my book; high fluffy clouds, sea and sand a triple reflector that bounces sharp light across ...
• we're having scrambled eggs for supper, just like the Famous Five after an Adventure.
• the tent repitched, in The Wild, but with lightening flashing overhead i tuck the children into their proper beds, grateful for the excuse
• Sheltering in hut with goat's cheese brie and cherry tomatoes while storm darkens the sea to slate
• Is in a bed, a proper huge bed, with a ceiling, and a door. I shall celebrate.
• wood smoke, damp grass between my toes and that peculiar fruity smell of approaching autumn. Please don't snatch my holiday away so soon.
• Every pocket has a residue of sand, my skin is perpetually soft, my hair impossible
• Occasional blue pathways light up across the silver backed swell as the clouds open above
• Swimming in a sea like old fashioned glass - moss green, cloudy with chill
• is flashing a lot of leg today (there is a lot of leg to flash)
• is wishing on a star
• A film crew has set up in front of my beach hut: something to do with volley ball. I am eating a fruit yoghurt rudely, off camera
• I am the only swimmer in the flat receding tide, under a heavy bottomed sky with crying gulls to lull me
• Children shed their clothes like careless crabs, revealing tender under bellies to potential dangers
• Ginger zinger and black harry molasses truffle kisses for all kind tweeters who sent me virtual hand holding in the scary lonely night xx
• All of us (including the car) are taking a sea voyage. All of 6 minutes or so.
• An orgy at @chococo; dinosaurs for them, cherry kisses for me
• Snacking beneath a fig tree, waiting for a steam train
• Listening to night noises, wishing i had someone else's hand to hold
• after 36 hours to recuperate i am sleeping in the tent again tonight - this time i have an interior sprung mattress #wimp
• has camping induced groin strain
• is going to visit @Chococotweet VERY SOON. I dream chococo dreams (and the steam engine trip is fun too)
• tiz warmer in the sea than out of it. I watched shoals of shadowy mini fish flit about my feet
• Swam through the light rain and now rewarded with milky sunshine and an almost deserted beach.
• I may swim despite the promise of rain
• Stealing a half hour of solitude in my well appointed beach hut, kettle whistling softly, pages turned
• kiss my ring http://twitpic.com/2dhjov
• the beach was almost deserted today, retaining its neat combing through to the afternoon, when we played boules in the drizzle
• the spooky night rustling sounds were obliviated by pouring rain, howling wind and occasional thunder #smallmercies
• today i am a pirate queen; expect no mercy.
• Listening to night time rustlings, trying not to think the worst
• i may regret this in the (early) morning
• pitching a tent. A spike may end in someone's foot if they don't STOP MUTTERING
• Swam in a sea of lime marmalade over a bed of barely toasted sand
• Salty and sweet.
• Come on in, the water is lovely
• Lying in the warm shallows, rocked by gentle swell, licked all over by the rising tide

wide open space

We had to chase the tide to get a swim tonight.

I finished a ghost story today. It left me chilled. I feel a little like a ghost myself. Ineffectual. Transparent.

Ham

My usual summer fare, when i am feeding many .. the day before i poach a large gammon in coca cola (with a clove studded onion added) for 2 and a half hours. Chill over night. The next day, return to room temperature while preparing the glaze; 4 tablespoons of cherry jam, a tablespoon of vinegar, a pinch of paprika. Simmer while steadily stirring until thick and sticky.

Trim the majority of the fat of the ham, leaving a thin layer. Coat with the aromatic sweet jam and bake in a hot oven for at least 45 minutes, until piping hot and deliciously fragrant.

hunter, collector

Mackerel fillets (as caught, filleted, brined and smoked by the man with the tan).



Add a large tablespoon (about 50g) of cream cheese, a teaspoon of horseradish, a pinch of cayenne, juice of half a lemon and a tablespoon of olive oil; blend vigorously, serve with toast and gherkins. And a mint, for afters.

tan lines

He toasts quickly in the summer, every week his arms and shoulders a deeper shade of man oak, his close shorn salted pelt in ever sharper silvering contrast across the back of his neck and curving around his earlobes. I lay my cheek against his velvet pate, warming my face and throat on secondhand sunshine.

He wraps his forearms around me, comparing his chestnut warmth to the blue bloodlines that shimmer beneath my skin, his fingers making a dark cage to enclose the brazen vanilla of my breasts.

something good

When the children ask for pizza for supper .. this is what i have; a slice of salmon, seasoned and baked in a parcel with green leaves. A matter of minutes.

I have RSI (excessive use of my super imouse, perhaps); forgive me if i am not as communicative as usual.

moves

I am wearing a snug black cashmere sweater, with a neckline that gathers in a little pucker between my breasts to cup my curves. He is standing at my back, his arms enclosing me; beneath the thin wool i can see his hands alter my shape, feel him taking their weight then squeezing gently, rolling my flesh in his palms, all warmth and softness, a luxuriating stillness between us as we focus on skin.

He is a little bit of a geek.

"It's like playing with someone else's toys" he sighs happily into my ear.

Half an hour earlier:

We were talking movies.

"Do you remember the scene in Flashdance" he asks,

"where Alex takes her bra off through the sleeves of her top?"

That was subtle" i said.

baked sunshine

Coconut, lime and blueberry slice, from Harry Eastwood's Red Velvet & Chocolate Heartache.

This is a courgette cake, and, as i have an excess of the green truncheons, i was determined to make something more than just endless griddling (with mint, delicious).

It has a 'pastry' base of coconut mixed with sugar and butter. Unnecessary, probably. I didn't crisp the base quite enough .. coconut burns so quickly, i was over cautious.









2 eggs, sugar, a LARGE courgette very finely grated (a minute in a barrel grater, no sweat), zest and juice of 2 limes, gluten free flour and baking powder, salt and a generous cup of frozen blueberries.

Again, i didn't give it quite long enough in the oven (although a deal more than the recipe states). The flavour was fabulous - lime and blueberries are perfect companions - i think the sponge will probably stand alone from the coconut base and that is how i will try it next time. It is worth another attempt.