sauce

Peanut noodle salad supper for me, the children and a friend. I had to make up the recipe from memory and bits & pieces from the 'net as the recipe book has disappeared from the bookshelf.

I like to make up a generous amount of the dressing, keep it in the fridge for 3 or 4 days for dipping into.

6 tablespoons smooth peanut butter
¼ cup chicken broth or water
3 tablespoons rice vinegar
1 or 2 tablespoons soy sauce
1½ tablespoons palm sugar (or agave syrup)
(1 tablespoon oriental sesame oil - optional, but preferable. I leave it out at home because of allergies)
1 tablespoon minced peeled fresh ginger
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper

Combine all the ingredients briskly. Taste and adjust for personal preference - it might need more sweet or sour, depending on your brand of peanut butter and soy, and which type of sugar you use. Palm sugar is fudgy sweet and dissolves well, hence i used agave syrup as a replacement.

brown rice and wakame noodles, cooked and refreshed
2 chicken breasts, poached and shredded
1 large red sweet pepper, thinly sliced
2 chopped scallions
a handful of bean sprouts or half a chopped cucumber

Add peanut sauce to taste, garnish with chopped fresh coriander and chopped salted peanuts

play that tune again, please.

Gigi faded on me, late last night, in the dark; i had no intention of pausing for recharging so my fingers, all of them, picked up the rhythm that he used that time he knelt over me, his face close to mine, his expression curious expectation, watching me watch him while i soared.

holi.day#4

Meet Perky

I shall eat him later, with a slice of watermelon, some crumbled feta cheese and toasted pumpkin seeds rescued from last night's spiced pumpkin soup-making.

holi.day#2 & #3

Packing biscotti for a sea trip.
I bought a new lipstick, which seemed to work well for kissing.



My beach
Amazingly, there was hardly anyone else about for most of the morning.

holi.day#1

Unpacking satchels and saving mementos from the last school year.

Swimming this afternoon, lazily floating about the pool on my back, and i notice the straps of my halter top swimsuit are curled about my forearms, rather than tied about my neck. Fortunately the pool was quiet and no-one noticed my topless moment.

I want to swim naked again, just as i did in the turkish bath last year in Budapest. Perhaps i might find a quiet beach on sunday.

bewildered

I feel as if i have been bounced upon by a large and vigorous man, without the obvious benefits of it actually happening.

I cooked two lemon cakes, a panful of biscotti and a large batch of chocolate crackle cookies on tuesday .. of which only a few crumbs remain today. I had a sport's day, a school picnic, a retirement party and a dinner party yesterday, all of which passed without serious crime (that i know of). Today i went to the county court and, in 4.5 minutes, effectively ended my marriage. Tonight i spent half an hour chatting on the phone to my soon-to-be-officially-ex-husband about buying beds. He is bringing me a table on saturday, for my iMac to sit on.

Later i sat with both of my children in my lap, no mean feat now they are both so leggy and long, and we watched penguin tv and made plans for the 6 weeks of summer fun and food, just as if we were living in one of their favourite Famous Five stories.

But now i must sleep.

cavity

I have stopped buying bananas. They don't last in this heat, and i have made my fill of banana bread for now. This particular one i stuffed with tiny, intense currants, just like a huge, sticky, sugar-crusted eccles cake.

Maybe i have lost the capability to be seduced. It still hurts that he walked away so abruptly; a stone facade, a hollow wall, a blank face.

a date

.. with no kissing, bar the peck on the lips to say hello and goodbye.

It is the third time we have met, and we have plans for date no.4, but no hand-holding today, or even a squeeze on the arm as we laughed conspiratorially over the artifacts. He kissed me last week, with an open mouth and the lightest brush of his tongue against my teeth. Perhaps we are both being shy, for once.

quick fix

They look classier over at Bakerella's beautiful blog, but i chose to shorten the process for almost immediate satisfaction.

1 cup peanut butter
½ cup sugar
1 egg
approximately 18 chips of chocolate

Preheat oven to 325ºF/ 160ºC
Mix peanut butter, sugar and egg until well blended.
Refrigerate for 30 minutes.
Pinch into 18 pieces and roll mixture into small balls.
Place on cookie sheet 2 inches apart.
Place a chip of chocolate in the centre of each cookie ball and flatten with a fork to make a criss-cross pattern.
Bake 18-20 minutes or until lightly browned.
Cool for 5 minutes on cookie sheet and then cool completely on a wire rack.

the best laid plans

... are never quite waterproof enough.

I've never had a booty call at 9.30am on a sunday morning, and, combined with a long night in a single bed being strong and independent away from my children, i probably reacted a little sharply.

He didn't appreciate my blank refusal and my phone quickly filled up with verbal arrows.

"you're no reluctant cock-sucker" he said, trying to insult me.

If your woman *is* a reluctant cock sucker, fucker, you are DOING SOMETHING WRONG.

i choose me

I am ridiculously excited. I've booked myself a holiday. Just me, for a night. It is the first time i have ever booked a room specifically for my OWN personal pleasure. I wanted an ensuite, with wifi, somewhere peaceful yet not isolated .. well, it is not going to be very quiet because it is slap bang in the middle of my local old town, in the restaurant district, but i can find somewhere nearby for supper and have a glamourous lazy breakfast on my (almost literal) doorstep if i fancy.

I shall take a book, my laptap, gigi and some of the less gruesome paperwork that i need to work on and if i happen to sleep all evening and into the morning it won't matter a jot.

Ben 10

Happy Birthday Baby Boy

Being a single parent (or at least, the only parent at home) brings an extra responsibility on birthdays and christmases. I have felt anxious about this one in particular - his first in double figures, the significant 10.

I've been a mum for a decade, and i still feel like a total novice.

sunday walk, again

"Can i see you again?" hands resting on my hips, his lips brushing against the curl on the side of my face.

I blush.

"I don't kiss like that unless i am hoping to see you again" i replied.

undercover

A long time ago a boyfriend of mine commented that, if he had my breasts to play with, he would never get out of his bed in the morning.

Today i understood what he meant; why, when i have some much to play with, why would i want to leave this bed?