hot chocolate

For late-night pudding or with morning coffee, spread with cream cheese or plain; however you like it, eat this.

Nigella Lawson's Dense Chocolate Loaf Cake

225g soft unsalted butter
375g dark muscovado sugar
2 large eggs, beaten
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
100g best chocolate, melted
200g plain flour
1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
250ml boiling water

Preheat the oven to 190ºC, put in a baking sheet to catch the drips (it will drip, if not flood) and line a loaf tin (23 x 13 x 7cm).

I find muscovado sugar can have persistent lumps - beat it first to break it up well. Then add butter and cream well, followed by eggs and vanilla.









I love to see beaten butter.

Fold in the melted and slightly cooled chocolate - don't over beat, then gently fold in the flour, to which you have added the bicarb, alternately spoon by spoon, with the boiling water until you have a smooth and loose batter.

Pour the mocca river into the lined tin and bake for 30 minutes. Turn the oven down to 170ºC and continue to cook for another 15 minutes. It may need a little longer if the batter still wobbles in the tin. Check with a skewer but it should be squidgy inside.

Allow to cool completely before turning out of the tin. It will have sunk slightly in the middle.





*

I sleep best with my bottom tucked into his lap.

I'm not sleeping well at the moment.

a taster

.. of things to come

lash

There is a metal wrist chain connected to the silver hammered handle which chinks and rattles as he adjusts his stance, reminiscent of the rolling sound of a bit in a horses' mouth, or a buckle of a belt with all the stomach-churning connotations; even with my eyes squeezed tight shut i know that his arm is moving, although i can't be sure the direction in which it might be heading, or with what power.

spring is coming

• Flayed
• is setting off with highest boots and safe knickers for kicking up of heels and teasing all the boys.
• Splitting personality in process. One hand is helping with homework & making beds, the other is packing sexiness into an overnight bag.
• message just received "had a shower, enjoyed the thought of you washing me with soap and mouth" Dude, beside the obvious .. have you ever met a woman who enjoyed the taste of soap?
• licking steak juice off my fingers, distracted by the devil
• in the news today: woman with curly hair, wearing mackintosh and wellies, spotted browsing anal toys in local sex shop. She refused to buy the 'baby blue bottom trainer' preferring something bigger, blacker and more rubbery pleaseandthankyou
• a Pretty Young Thing in the Costa queue is giving advice to her dad. A new jumper is on the shopping list and he is told to polish his shoes. i hope he is preparing for a date, rather than a job interview. He looks a little nervous.
• my girl friend is dating my favourite, newly single, jim instructor. i am the avid listener of her gloriously detailed Too Much Information. She shares secrets, glowing. "he wants to spend time with me" she says, "it is easy to forget how that feels." I nod dumbly, knowing.
• Long laces, new knickers: twitching tail
• Folded. Unfolded. Re folded. Repeat. Smile.
• went back to bed.
• 3 boys, 1 cake = crumbs
• is doing the Scorpion Sting. My motivation for core strength yoga positions is wholly sexual.
• knows exactly what she wants but not so certain how she will get it
• my to-do-list includes ironing 6 sheets, making chicken soup, clearing a bowl of dirty dishes and finding myself a new butt plug
• a long, slow bolognese. There is the promise of ribbony noodles to suck rudely upon, later.
• made good use of a rough towel
• is roasting a chicken to relieve the discomfort of homework
• my book has been looking at me resentfully, so i have turned it over for now, to avoid the stare. I read one page and closed it, 3 days ago
• the children are being philosophical over sausages. It is all about life, death and flavour.
• cunt and a conscience can make for an uncomfortable seat
• is in her kitchen, beating up an old favourite
• There was a woman in labour in our lift. We exchanged smiles as i herded my boys out of the door, then I cried in the corridor.
• No power. ex rang. "At least you don't have to worry about the freezer" he says, seriously.
• has made them a camp between the radiator and the table. I will bribe them to stay there with snacks and promises of bunnies & puppies.
• a mummy sandwich
• No school. We are going back to bed for a Sleepy Protest.
• i'm so tired that, when i yawn, a huge muscle spasms in my inner thigh

ba-boom

Sometimes, when fueled on caffeine and when my hands are occupied yet my imagination is free (driving the car, for instance) i imagine my husband on dates. I wonder what he says about us, how he pitches the split.

my wife was too kinky, too sexually aware.

I hid a great deal of it from him. I don't know where it comes from.

i'm about to get weepy and girlie. Working past midnight again and i don't know why this is any good, or what useful purpose this will lead to, or how i got here in this place. It is not helping my kids, or my friends, or me.

mixed priorities

Less tossing tonight; more writhing, hopefully. Lelo Nea is sitting by my laptop as a patient pebble, enticing me to go to bed.

I am swamped with work and deadlines, lawyer letters and family courts. I barely bake, my wanking is hurried and usually (but not typically, for me) unaccompanied. I think too much about boy:girl nights and how some transitory pleasure might suit.

My mons, however, my secret garden where my fingers roam so freely, is very neat. Some things in life are worth maintaining (but would the tax man appreciate that as an excuse?).

disturbed

wired. can't sleep. 01.55am.

I had a rendezvous with intimate friends today, but they didn't turn up. No fault of their own - a dildo can hardly be held responsible for being left behind (as opposed to being *in* my behind, which would have been a delicious finale of a tough week). The friend that did appear, however, gave me much to think about which has kept me tossing restlessly.

Or perhaps it was the caffeine.

HNT/just want to stay a little while

It is one of 'those' days.

flakey

I love that this blog sits patiently waiting for my sporadic attention - when i need it every day she is there, but when i am up to my neck in photoshop (with occasional kink distractions) she doesn't bitch at me.

I am doing proper cooking to feed the children, but nothing fancy, apart from this batch of jam doughnut muffins for sunday breakfast.

Before their sugary crusted muffin tops (i was generous with the jam - you can see it bursting out) and, minutes later, still too-hot to eat but irresistable.

In the last week we have drunk a carton of swiss hot chocolate flakes between us, and worn every serviceable pair of socks to be found. Every night i wrap the children in complicated parcels of blankets, sheets and duvets with a kernel of hot water bottle at their feet - otherwise i know they will be snuggling their cold toes into my warm crevices in the early chill hours.

A snow-bound week (read from the bottom up if you care to). I have become an insatiable tweeter; it is my social window; an outlet when cocooned at home, a vent for my frustration. Forgive me.

• a slightly charred pork chop and moroccan-spiced aubergine has flavoured my kitchen with sweet warmth even though my feet are still cold
• ice cream head and jelly toes
• today's shopping list: a little bit of everything, thank you
• Stomping through crisp crusted deep snow, my jeans fringed with sparkling white.
• hot crumpet
• (almost) kissed the school gate this morning.
• 10 minutes chat with a friendly lawyer on a sunday afternoon. Gold dust and fairy lights. I feel, thankfully, more confident about 2010
• hot raspberry jam doughnut muffins & cocoa for breakfast #badmummy
• has Grumpy Mule coffee to give her sad ass a good thump
• @carnalis *slap*
• syrup pancakes after snow fighting
  
  
  
  
• curling up with a cookbook or two while gigi recharges.
• @fgtmedia i frequently (and loudly) proclaim the joy of my g-spot - let the doubters be swamped by our vibrations #fgtmedia
• @ceee_j take 1 root, slice dice and simmer in light chicken stock with 2 bay leaves. Liquidise using new kenwood, finish with cream to taste
• i blame the celeriac soup. So luscious, so creamy. Orally pleasured.
• naked in my bed
• snow white and two whiney dwarves are off to clear the school yard. There will be snowballs.
• is doubling up on *everything* tonight
• can lube bottles be recycled through my green box? If the collectors don't like them they will toss the bottles back on to my driveway
• oxfordshire .. -17 degrees .. i'm taking TWO hot water bottles to bed tonight.
• bacon, butternut, sage & rice. A drizzle of cream and parmesan to finish it. Food repairs, little by little.
• wants whatever it is that nurse jackie is taking.
• four boys and a 2 lane scalextric .. the pressure mounts. House is reverberating with glee and torment in equal measure.
• writing letter with pen + paper, unconsciously added a smiley face icon at the end of a happy sentence. Thought twice about crossing it out
• has almost run out of marshmallows
• the white stuff is falling again so we're all gonna have a little sleep on the sofa where it is warm
• more cocoa with marshmallows
• is melting marshmallows in cocoa. It is not a day for cereal.
• snow stops mummy's play today
• undeniably anxious, chilled from the throat downwards, overheated head. A sleep remedy is required.
• so much should happen tomorrow, if the snow stays away. I wish i knew, wish it didn't matter.
• i feel i should be listening to christmas carols as the children stand at the window, transfixed by blizzard.
• each time i look up from my chopping and stirring the world is whiter through my window. Am in my own little snow globe.
• skool cancelled! Children besides themselves with glee. Mummy needs chocolate.

easing back

A cake! How long has it been since I baked a cake? too long .. and this week is not getting me any closer as it is too cold in my kitchen to spend time there for long. I have no heating and naked windows (i like the view from my sink) but in this weather i am retreating to the inner house instead. I've been making lots of quick soup instead.

This is one i made a few weeks ago. I want to make it again, soon. Very soon. It is a rich almond torte, reminisent of marzipan and egg custard, with a delicately light crumb. I served mine with a raspberry coulis (frozen berries, heated gently and blended with a little icing sugar) but Nigella recommends fresh mango and lime. I can't wait to try this with a ripe and fragrant alphonso.



Nigella Lawson's White Chocolate Almond Cake

175g white chocolate
150g soft butter
100g caster sugar
6 large eggs, separated
150g ground almonds
a drop of almond extract


Preheat the oven to 180ºC. Grease (with almond oil or butter) and line a 23cm springform tin.

Melt the chocolate very gently - it needs a careful touch and will just collapse rather than turn molten as dark chocolate does. Set aside.

Beat the butter until very soft, add 50g of sugar and beat again, adding egg yolks one by one. Continue beating and add the cooled chocolate, then the almonds and extract, mixing well.

In a clean bowl beat the 6 egg whites until peaks form, then add remaining 50g sugar and whip until glossy and firm.

Add a spoonful of white fluff to the cake mix, fold carefully to lighten the batter and then add the rest of the egg white in 3 or 4 spoonfuls, with careful but firm foldings.

Bake for 45-50 minutes or until cooked through. Be careful .. check after 20 minutes and cover with foil so the top doesn't go too brown. It may only need 35 minutes cook time - mine didn't need any longer. Allow to cool for 20 minutes before removing from the tin.

life

Early morning and my eldest stumbles sleepily to the bathroom, sits, folded up, chest hugged to his knees waiting for a leisurely flow. His brother follows, rubbing his face, wavering slightly down the hall and through the door, fluffy and disorientated in striped blue pyjamas. He stands close to his brother, roars "target, aim.." in his ear. His brother closes his eyes in resignation, wiggles forward on the seat, offering a thin moon of space at his back. Mutual urination begins.

I am quivering in the bath, trying not to laugh loudly above the water line.

*

He tried to goad me with the 'no such thing as the G-spot' story but i resist the temptation to show him the proof.

agitation

I am being educated in the dark arts, which is not easy for someone who has a conviction that wolves lurk behind her dustbin. In the last few days we have watched Underworld, Underworld Evolution, Blade (3 of), Hound of the Baskervilles and half of the True Blood series. Apparently i squeak, hum, wriggle, squirm and suck (my thumb, in this instance) when excited.

This would not surprise any man who has had me in his bed.

rituals

Yesterday i had lunch with a man who, coincidentally, is a friend and ex-colleague of my first proper boyfriend from 25 years ago. Not unsurprisingly, considering his job, he is very knowledgeable about rope. We eat roast duck with cherry sauce, sitting close to a fiery hearth within the boundaries of a stone circle, comparing knots.

Update, for Meredic .. i meant to add a link to show my previous visit here.