This seems like the latest and most impossible hurdle.
We spent 2 days together as a family; a trip out with a picnic, lunch at his house, an evening at home then a day here with the paraphernalia of toy comforts, including a tremendous Belly Pork Roast.
I sliced the fat with a sharp blade, rubbed salt pepper and lemon thyme into the creases. 30 minutes at 230ºC, then an hour or so at 180º. It didn't need an extra blast at the heat, the crackling was done to perfection.
The problem? One child is as happy as ever, the other has tantrum after tantrum. He sulks, he is rude, he shouts and baits his brother. At the best he is uncooperative, at worst he is unapproachable, with stretches of hyped enthusiasm when the attention is on him.
This evening we sat together in the bathroom, he relaxing full length in hot water, me soaking my blackberry-stained toes. He is back to his funny self. I gently quiz him; him seems delighted with the activities, unperturbed by the sleepover, and in denial of any of the anger i felt scorch me.
You can tell me it is to be expected, inevitable, understandable.
I feel very tired and utterly sad.
6 comments:
I've seen this happen a lot. Indeed, one close friend has wound up with man who will at least play second fiddle to children #2 and #3.
Apart from that, have sadly no advice to offer. Have been married 30 years last month; have strayed, rowed, strayed** again -- but are still together. And sex three times last week for a couple in their mid-50s can't be too bad, surely?
By contrast, very few of the couples parenting my daughter's friends in reception class are still together.
M in Devon
** PS I was the strayer.
I witnessed the same sort of behaviour when my ex-SIL started dating again. She has two daughters, and the youngest became a bit clingy when her mum was dating, and knew that sleeping in her mother's bed would ensure no one else slept in the bed with her mother - and there were at least two fellas who couldn't handle the intricacies of that mother/daughter relationship.
Ex-SIL is now married, and her husband was also married before, having had children from his first marriage. It wasn't all plain-sailing (and still isn't), but he was much more inclined to cope and understand the delicate balance. Oddly enough, it was his daughter who ended up baiting and causing problems with my older niece - hence the comment that it's still a minefield! :)
Your young man is just used to having his mum giving him attention, and now he sees someone else coming in and taking that away. I just hope that your new man is able to cope with the mini alpha male lurking in your home! :D
I'm sorry to hear that you're sad and are having difficulties with the kiddos
And your food pictures always make my mouth water!
Oh yes, forgot the cooking questions!
1) What brand of salt do you use? (The crystals seem much larger than mine.)
2) The meat seems very dark -- almost lamb-coloured. A trick of the light? Or a trick of the chef?
M in Devon
Ultimately it all boils down to this simple issue
"If he is right for you then he, and the boys, will resolve all issues..."
xxxxxxx
PS - the pork looks delicious
M - it is not bad AT ALL. I wish ..
I use Maldon sea salt, of course.
The pork does look dark, yes, and i checked the source photos .. it is dark there too. Possibly because:
1. it is homegrown pork, feed off the apples from the orchard. I don't know the hanging routine, but all the meat we have eaten so far from this batch is superb.
2. i forgot to take it out of the freezer the night before (ahem) and had to use the microwave to defrost it, so the meat was warm when i took the photo. The crackle was stupendous, so shan't worry about using the microwave in the future.
HH - Bf doesn't have children, so we don't have that added complication, but on the other hand i am not sure how he will manage tricky behaviour .. wait and see is my policy right now.
Hubman - thanks, and i am glad your mouth waters now and then :)
Happy - you are spot on, of course xx
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