i went to bed between clean, pressed sheets tonight, despite the streaks of paint that have dried stubbornly on my thighs. I took a sleeping pill 'cos i am tired, but i didn't think i could sleep. In the dark i realised that the only voices i have spoken with today were my two young sons, on the phone, far away, and then when i think further, i realise that i didn't speak to anyone at all yesterday.
How did i get here? How did i get to this utterly fucking miserable place?
i don't want to do this anymore, and i don't know how to stop it.
10 comments:
Aww, hon... Long distance hugs to you.
Hugs...
I'm sorry to hear that you're in such a bad place :-(
I live a quiet drama free life myself. I like it. I also know when I want to hear a voice, all I have to do is open the door.
I will be rattling round my house until saturday, when doors will be flung open, arms will be flung round necks, etc.
Until then it feels a bit like limbo...
I know exactly how you feel. I haven't spoken to anyone since Saturday morning. I'm a selfish cunt, so it's my choice to spend 98+% of my time alone. The good news is that you are aware of this.
Should you need a listening ear, I'm all yours.
Working in a shop I hear voices all day long. I go home and hope the phone doesn't ring and I can read my latest read without interruptions. I hope your beautiful good humoured self reappears very soon. X
I understand this kind of isolation and how it can feel overwhelming. Wanting it to change is probably enough for now. In a few years you'll look back from a different kind of life and wonder at it all. Hugs BG Xx
One day at a time?
Hugs...
oh Yummy :-(
huge hugs and more xxxx
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